I Have Moved!

Please check out the new site, place to muse, and say hello. See you there!

A New Leaf

I am turning over a new leaf at a place to muse. Or at least I hope to.

I have a new host and new blogging software (Word Press) that I am hoping to have running this week. As you check back this week I will eventually post a new link for you to visit the new site.

Until then...wish me luck. I am in way over my non-techy head.

Another Friday Poem

Fall is when
leaves join my heart
in yearly retrospect
that although we have
experienced much growth
we are still of the fallen

and...

When you smile
your eyes look
like sunny sky-lit
teardrops
turned on their side--
falling to one another
as if your slender nose
has gravity.

Power Ball Update

Laura and I did not win at Power Ball.

Out of the 72 numbers we had claim to I think that we matched three of them.

I have never matched more than one number on any given series of six numbers.

I think I need to switch gas stations.

South Africa Here We Go

Laura and I just spent $3,800 for plane tickets to Durban South Africa. That was a big decision!...especially since that is about what our bank acount has in it right now.

It is going to be Christmas South Africa style--Hot.

My sister, Kristy, and her husband, Ben, have lived in South Africa for almost 4 years now and we have yet to visit them. They are an incredible couple and we are tight. I can't wait.

They are 'missionaries' to college students in South Africa. I don't like using the word missionary because it can conjure up many images that don't apply to Kristy and Ben Carlson.

As a tribute to my excitement here are a couple pics of my sis and bro-in-law...the pictures are about three years old. I will have to get some new pics when we see them in December.

Chicken or the Egg (cont. again)

After writing the last two Chicken or the Egg posts (here and here) I realized that some of you may have some questions for me lurking in your minds. One in particular came to my mind. I could imagine being asked whether or not I believed in absolutes.

This is a very big question for a Christian. Many postmoderns have done away with absolutes and have chastised anyone who claims their existence. A Christian consequently is set on the defensive because they repeatedly make claims to absolutes.

If some one were to ask me, “Do you believe in absolutes?” I would have to answer both yes and no. There are two distinctions that need to be made to clarify this question (bear with me—this is helpful I think). The two distinctions are epistemological and ontological. Epistemology deals with the study of knowing (how we know things) while Ontology deals with the study of existence or being.

Consequently, when someone asks whether or not there are absolutes they could be asking one of two questions. They could be asking the epistemological question: “Do you believe that absolutes are knowable in an absolute sense?” They could otherwise be asking the ontological question: “Do you believe that absolutes exist?” It is important not to mix these questions up and always good to clarify what someone is asking.

The Modern era (see previous Chicken or the Egg posts) believed that absolutes both existed and were wholly knowable. However, they could never prove that they actually existed because their empirical knowledge proved to be subjective. This has led some postmoderns to conclude that absolutes must not exist at all. Long story short, these postmodern thinkers who claim that absolutes must not exist at all are probably not as postmodern as they think that they are. They are still using failed Modern methods of proof for claims to knowledge.

Most postmodern thinkers do not have a problem with whether or not absolutes actually exist. What they have a problem with is those who claim absolute knowledge. If the Modern era experiment showed us anything about knowledge it was that we all have limited perspectives from which we view the world—to claim an absolute objectivity is absurd. God says as much to Job and his friends—what human can comprehend God? (See story here).

So my answer to the question of whether or not I believe in absolutes is two fold. Yes, I believe in the existence of absolutes—I believe in the Christian God and Jesus and the stories unfolded in the Bible. No, I do not believe that I have absolute objective knowledge about anything. I would, however, claim that I have knowledge of Jesus and God and the Bible, but I just believe that my knowledge is warranted (it makes sense, it is cohesive, coherent and comprehendible)—not wholly objective or absolute.

Does this open the door for the Christian’s latest and greatest fear—relativity? Maybe. However, even in the postmodern world one cannot just pull a belief or claim to knowledge out of nowhere and expect to have a hearing of those who take them seriously. We still attempt to make sense of the world and to gather knowledge--we do this to a great degree--even knowledge of God. We just do so with a much greater sense of humility.

A Friday Poem

Tender is the night
that brings distance to our sight
with every creeping cautious deception

Shall I compare thee
to a darkened day
O time, my misery
when hope runs away

Secure fades to fright
these deep silhouettes by night
withhold the secrets of their complexion

And I follow lies
ever told my worthless eyes
to the hollow of broken ambition

Arise wayward heart
to Justice be true
that Love hath ne'er part
nor Hope hath fled you

Tender is the night
that crouches round my faith's Light
O me, stand wise in Glory's reception

Tender is tonight!

I'll be your Huckleberry

Last night I got to go see a good friend, Mike Huckleberry, play his guitar at the Varsity Theater. It was the most fun that I have had for a long time (It was good to see Renee and Hillary there as well). There is nothing that I like more than to be in a bar lounge with couches, drinks, smoke machines and live music. I was in heaven (no doubt God will have smoke machines and New Castle on tap waiting for us).

I could listen to Mike play for a long time. Not only because he is a long time friend, but because he is damn good. Damn for the rest of us who dare to compare to his white boy guitar rap and soulful soul. Who knew? His voice is refreshing and the rhythm was incredible (thanks to Zach and Will who I met long ago and don't remember meeting).

Mike and I have had one of those relationships where we can be completely absent from one another for years, reunite, and easily reconnect even though so much has changed. Anyways, he is one of my favorite people on the planet--even though we haven't even spent a month together in cumulated time.

In short...I was inspired. After having my head in the books for so long I haven't taken a breath of creativity for a while. My heart was full after leaving the Varsity Theater last night. I went home and read my own poetry for about two hours. I thought that I would share a couple poems here...if only to remind myself of when I last took time for creative expression.


I wrote this six years ago this month:

Hearts crushed
under the weight
of our sin
wear their masks;
it's Holloween tonight--
and we can't
see their story
except wandering eyes
that barely see out
at the
masked world
and its "maskless" people
who don't know
their shame
and those who
have forgotten
grace that they own--
For too many
it's Holloween tonight.


In honor of Mike's soulfulness...this poem is 4 1/2 years old:

hot skin cry
on the night street--
her destination Minnesota

south side city drama
in my ghetto heart--
I've missed you

Chicken or the Egg (cont.)

Yesterday I posted about the importance of recognizing the role of belief in our knowledge, rather than assuming that knowledge is the source of belief. For a recap you can read that article here.

Today I would like to make an observation that builds upon yesterday’s article. It has to do with having a Crisis of Faith. A crisis of faith is a term that is often used to describe someone who has had to reconsider their faith in God due to extra ordinary or extra reflective circumstances.

Yes, there are probably genuine crisis of faith, but what we are usually talking about are not crisis of faith at all. Usually people are having a Crisis of Absolutes. Since for centuries we (as a Western society) have assumed that knowledge comes prior to belief—not just any knowledge but an absolute kind, a universal, a priori, knowledge—when what we understand to be true about God and the world comes into question so does the faith that is built upon that knowledge.

For example, if someone has knowledge of God to be a loving God but their life is turning up to be a mess full of broken and spiteful relationships—God’s love is nowhere apparent—then they may end up having a crisis of faith. They may doubt whether or not they should trust in a God who is so obviously absent. Now, to be clear, I am not saying that someone should not have a crisis of faith in this situation. I am suggesting that what we primarily have is a crisis of knowledge.

God may still actually be loving, but maybe God is not loving in the way that someone knew that God was loving. It turns out that who they knew God to be is convoluted—not absolute. Maybe someone’s knowledge of God’s love is more like our knowledge of Santa Clause figures. God is in this sense a cosmic gift giver. It is very possible that God is actually love. However, in this simple analogy, that does not necessarily include a knowledge of love as one who answers every petition or eliminates every evil.

Because it has been assumed that our belief is based upon knowledge and overlooked that our knowledge comes from belief then we falter in our faith whenever our knowledge is called into question. We may benefit from recognizing the role of belief in our knowledge so that we do not have as many crisis of faith due to crisis of absolutes.

Our belief and our knowledge about God, the universe, others, and our self are very fluid. They are constantly in dialogue with one another. As our belief changes so does our knowledge. As our knowledge changes so does our belief. This is not a crisis. This is the nature of our existence—the existence of people with limited perspectives rather than absolute perspectives.

So, next time you or someone you know is having a crisis of faith—though I recognize such times can be genuinely serious—calm down. Ask (like M. Night Shyamalan movies do) what assumptions about reality have come under fire. These are likely things that someone has chosen to believe, but has regarded as absolute. This is ok. This is normal. This is what we must do as humans. Our knowledge and belief are in continuous formation. Consequently this makes trusting in God all the more, well, trusting.


For the next Chicken or the Egg post click here.

Chicken or the Egg

What came first—the chicken or the egg? The answer makes all the difference. This question, although possibly once about the actual chicken and egg, has become largely metaphorical. It speaks to those relationships where you cannot have one without the other. You take away the egg and you have no chicken. Take away the chicken and there is no egg.

I think that this metaphor applies to another relationship—belief and knowledge. Since the 17th century and Descartes there has been an unbalanced answer to the question of which came first, belief or knowledge. Descartes said famously (paraphrased) “I think therefore I am.” In other words, Descartes had knowledge that he thought and therefore believed that he existed. Knowledge came first.

Ever since this revelation, the Modern Era obsessed over finding these rational (obvious to everyone in all places and circumstances) streams of knowledge from which they could warrant belief. As you can imagine, God did not fare too well. Nothing fared well, actually—including Descartes. Efforts to discover this sort of absolute or universal knowledge (centuries later) proved itself to be futile.

Consequently, the Postmodern Era has largely abandoned these Modern efforts to discover universal knowledge of truth. There has been a move away from attempts to simplify our complex world to embracing the world’s complexities. What does this mean for the age old Chicken and Egg metaphor? It means that belief is making a comeback.

It turns out that our knowledge (scientific, philosophical and otherwise) is based upon how we believe ourselves to be in relation to ourselves, our environment, our universe and others. Consequently, if one were to take away belief then we would have no knowledge of the world in which we live. Likewise, if one takes away knowledge then we have nothing in which to believe.

So what does this mean for the Christian? It means quite a lot probably. No longer does the world ask us to prove God’s existence (unless of course someone is still operating in Modern Era categories of knowledge). Since the world has freed the Christian from such a dilemma I think that it is fair for the Christian to concede something as well. I actually don’t think that a Christian has a choice.

It is time to stop claiming absolute knowledge about God and the world. Yes, I said it. I am not the first. Rather than attempting to continue to defend ourselves against Modern Era accusations, that forced us to try to prove God’s existence in some universal fashion, we need to embrace our knowledge as based upon belief.

Does this leave us unable to defend God? Maybe. There are people out there who will never know anything because they cannot commit to believing something. It is time for all of us, Christian or not, to move into the overwhelming complexities of our relationships to the world, to our selves, to God and to others and attempt to make meaningful connections.

The question of ‘Why believe’ is still important—it is increasingly important. We should believe (it is necessary to our survival) so that we may know. We should continue to seek scientific, philosophical, relational and other forms of knowledge (it is of utmost importance) so that we can continue to form our belief. We cannot separate the Chicken from the Egg any more than we can separate Knowledge and Belief. Consider, finally, a couple verses from the Bible that know this all too well.

Hebrews 11:1-3 (my paraphrase): Now faith, the act of trusting through belief, is the assurance, the knowledge, of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen…by trusting we understand that the universe was created through God’s voice…

Romans 1:19-22 (English Standard Version): For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools…

It would do all of us a great deal to revisit the inseparable relationship between Knowledge and Belief. The preverbal rabbit hole goes as deep as the Chicken and the Egg.

So, Christians, on a side note, as we share our faith with others lets not assume that the most important things are cognitive efforts to solidify proper knowledge. We must make sure that we give attention to issues of trust and the relational, psychological, emotional and sociological factors that shape the act of trusting through belief. It is these factors that are largely overlooked as many of us continue in the path of Descartes.

For the next Chicken or the Egg post click here.

Love and Marriage

Since my time is limited lately by the inconsiderate nature of deadlines I thought that I would post a response that I wrote for Laura's blog. She wrote a very insightful blog on relationships that you may want to check out and respond to here.

Disclaimer: This is a risky subject for a man to write about. If my wife reads this--depending on the day and which way the wind is blowing--I could be in trouble...or it could be the best moment of my life. Have mercy.


Response: I, a non believer in 'the one,' am happily married--over all--but not 'in love' many days. However, I love my wife. There is a difference as I am sure you know. However, some days my wife and I are not even sure that we like each other...much less are 'in love' with each other.

We do sometimes wonder if we made the 'right' decision...if life would be different if we had made other decisions. We both have had moments of feeling trapped in our marriage--being numb with so much disappointment and longing as Renee puts it. I think that this is normal and that each couple/individual has their own methods--be them good or bad--for coping or resolving said feelings.

Laura and I try to practice honesty and leave room for the 'okness' of being hurt. In the end we know that we could 'survive' being married to other people. In fact, there are things that we enjoy experiencing relationally with others of the opposite sex that we do not/cannot experience with our spouse. We do not completely fulfill/find the longings--'spark'--of/within one another...not even close.

However, in humble and genuine commitment to one another--love--we discover within the context of our relationship new things that could not exist anywhere else--with anyone else. Ultimately these discoveries--though they may make us fight at first--eventually make us deeper 'in love' with each other.

I do not know how people who are simply dating can experience this. There is simply no reason to stay together through the pain that an intimately committed relationship can bring. If Laura and I were just dating we would have broken up long ago.

In short, our moments together are sometimes very disappointing (moments can last a long long time); but with the help of others our relationship over the long run (five years) has been very satisfying--even surprising, leaving us very grateful. However, it is safe to say that we still have longings that make us sad...I think that this is ok and part of our process.

Choosing a spouse is like so many other choices. The choice immediately limits possibilities or other options--and those should be mourned; however, the act of commitment opens up an infinite realm of new choices, experiences and possibilities previously unavailable to the uncommitted.

Schedules and Deadlines

Deadlines are picking on me. They don't like me. They are always against me. I never have done anything to deserve their oppressive attention.

In fact, it is quit the opposite. I try to ignore them. I try to avoid them. I attempt to pretend like they are not there. I go out of my way to leave them alone. Yet they always seem to hunt me down--like stalkers.

Deadlines are like that annoying guy in the coffee shop that just can't get the hint that conversation is unwanted. Regardless of my body language and short attention span deadlines won't stop gibbering.

They talk nonsense...as if what they have to say is the most important thing in the world. They are arrogant too. They don't care what I have to say. It is always all about them. They are so vain. It is almost like the world will fall apart if I ignore them--heaven forbid.

Deadlines are so manipulative. They are control freaks. I am like the verbally abused spouse who comes back for more without knowing why. It is as if I can't define my self apart from them. I thought that I was a little better self-differentiated than that. Don't I have my own identity? I can't live up to these expectations...

I need help.