Ever since I fractured my skull playing softball almost 8 weeks ago I have been wrestling with insomnia. I don't fall asleep until 3am some nights--that is five hours after taking Tylenol PM. Two nights ago (Friday) I only got about 4 hours of sleep before my day began on Saturday. I was exhausted midway through a day of babysitting and manual labor. I turned to my wife and said, "I want you to treat me right tonight." She did.
I got home, took a shower and we were off. As we were walking through the Mall of America to get tickets for Charlie and the Chocolate Factory my wife stopped at Hooters to get a table. I was to get tickets and come back to join her. I have never been to Hooters.
I had been on staff with a non profit collegiate ministry for 5 years. I am a seminary student. My major financial supporters were Evangelical churches and individuals--a large part of whom are from the Bible Belt. One does not spend their money (or anybody else's) to eat at Hooters. Hooters is the place that I pretended not to be interested in when driving by with Christian friends. The only 'worthy' reason to enter Hooters for an Evangelical minister with fundamentalist financial backing is to respond to an emergency call about a waitress who is having a crisis of faith and wants to be 'saved' immediately. Even then you would send in a woman...or wait until her shift was over and she had changed clothes.
I came back with the tickets to look for my wife who had already taken a seat. This presented me with a problem. My wife was in there looking for me. That meant that I had to be very careful where I was looking. I decided that my best option was to keep my head in constant motion back and forth--never down. Just as I entered a large cluster of Hooters girls formed to my right--singing some sort of song for some guy with a bucket on his head and a wiener in his mouth. I decided a worthy husband who is being watched by his wife would turn left. I made two laps around the restaurant--people were starting to recognize me as the guy who had past their table before. I was getting desperate for a hand to shoot up in my field of vision and direct me to my seat. At the end of my second lap the cloister of Hooters girls--that I wasn't looking at--dispersed to reveal my wife sitting at a table right in the middle of all the girls.
I was a little fidgety at first. My wife was too and that made it worse. I knew she would be watching me. I was beginning to wonder if she had set me up for a bad night. She was watching me when our cute waitress bent down to put her arms on the table--directly in front of me. There are four sides to our table and she chose that one. I didn't mind of course. She turned her elbows in just enough to squish her boobs together. If I looked at her face I looked at her boobs--and my wife looked at me. She asked me what I wanted to drink. I said water like a sheepish teenager. My wife made sure I knew that she was wearing Victoria's Secret finest push up bra. I took her word for it.
Speaking of Victoria's Secret...that is another one of those places that I have pretended not to be interested in--especially when walking by with my wife. I like to sit a short distance away from VS and watch men walk by with their wives. That is entertaining!
For centuries (I am sure) Christianity and women have conspired against men. They have conspired to make men think that the shame they begin to feel when passing VS or Hooters is from a source even more spiritual than religion or women. It is God himself who is stirring up my conscience and this is why I feel shame. I feel shame because of my sinful self. My wife and church have nothing to do with it. And what man will dare to say different. That is a sure way to get sent to some Bible Study, counseling or 'accountability group'--maybe even to Promise Keepers. It is better to play along.
Of course, after trying so hard all day--like a good Christian husband--not to be captivated, not to appreciate, not to be awed by any woman that I see, I am supposed to become the lover from Song of Songs by night. No wonder men die young. I digress...
My wife and I had a good time at Hooters. While there are certainly things there that are not beautiful--like the goggling 50-year-olds that have their 10-year-olds sitting next to them and like the potential that there are women there who feel belittled and insecure concerning their own bodies--there are also good things there--New Castle on tap, cute girls that pretend to like me, and buffalo wings.
The best thing that happened while I was there was being able to look in to my waitress's...eyes--and see that she was human. Before I broke that barrier all that I had to go on was my lesson from Christianity that these women were objects. They were objects not to be looked at. I now know differently. My wife's gift to me was this: I am beginning to learn how to not be controlled by shame but by my own free choices. It turns out my wife did treat me right after all.
Our future choices may very well bring us back to Hooters to try those wings again. It is hard to make rules about these things without ending right back where we started--guided by shame rather than wisdom.
11 comments:
that is interesting. i never thought about that sort of reverse objectification... makes sense.
i, however, will not ever go to hooters. it is my prerogative as a capitalist not to support the high up people who are profiting from such a sad exploitation of both women's desperation and men's stupidity... er... in general...
I've only been to Hooters once - when they built one in Green Bay. My problem was that my french fries had loads of PEPPER on them for some reason.
It kind of put me off Hooters for a while.
Quote: "My wife made sure I knew that she was wearing Victoria's Secret finest push up bra. I took her word for it." ......
Was it the waitress or your wife?
LoL. The waitress. But it could have been both for all I know.
We have such hang ups in American society about sexuality. I am glad that you were able to not objectify the women at Hooters. I think that this is akin to alcohol. Some people can drink and be responsible, some people can go to Hooters and be responsible. Not all can but we need to be sensitive about it in both directions. A man is not necessarily a sex addict if he chooses to go to Hooters and we need to respect that. Nor is a man who publicly denounces Hooters necessarily not a sex addict.
I also really appreciated renee's comment about reverse objectification. I am fairly certain that just as divorce rates for Christians and the general public are about the same and the literature I have read about sex addiction points to a similar incidence of sex addiction in Christians as the rest of the population. In fact, all of the sex addicts that I know have been involved in the Christian community and not just the fringes. I wonder if all our morality rules contribute to this reverse objectification
Next time I have to preview my post. There are some minor adjustments that would make the previous post easier to read. Sorry.
Very well said judesgirl. It is only normal that those who claim to be Christian should, statistically, suffer the same as others. What a ideal church we would be if we were able to discuss our sin in the church. As it is, I fear one would only be excused to talk about how they conquered this and that sin. Sometimes I wonder if the people who talk so much about their spiritual victories are not infact decieving themselves. I find great joy in those that know me for who and what I am and love me just the same.
Did anyone notice how courageous Brett's wife was to take him to Hooters!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????
Cap'n Crunch DID notice. Great job Laura!!!!!!
I've just read the post for the first time Laura, and I am very proud of you for entering into a hard topic. Going to hooters together slams the shame in the face that guys deal with and you are brave to face a reality that pretty much stinks but is real.
I went to hooters once. It was for a bridal shower! It was all women from church (very conservative charistmatic) but the bride was a sharp one in planning this out. We 20 women sat and opened up lingerie, underwear, and all that is possible, proudly holding them up and cheering for a virgin about to have sex in a week. It was very redeeming and the waitresses loved it, and got to see healthy sexuality being celebrated by prudes.
What kind of Christianity taught you to objectify women so that you could then 'not look at the object'? It seems fairly obvious (at least in the NT) that Christianity has always humanized women so that they could be treated as such.
I wish my wife would take me to hooters. I too would appreciate the opportunity to objectify women. My wife (who is reading over my shoulder) does not find this amusing. Alas, my chance of going to hooters fades.
Post a Comment