Today's post is rather revealing of a former self. It is a snapshot of someone who was trying to find a place among contemporary Evangelical faith and practice. What follows is from a journal entry that marks the last time that I have read my Bible (or have written in a journal for that matter). It is from over a year ago.
Ok...Some of you know that I have picked it up since...but usually as a reference or with other people. This is not a crisis of faith. It is a re-organizing, a re-understanding, a re-practicing. More on that later. I believe that this post reveals a common hermeneutic in today's Evangelical community. It is one that I had fallen victim to...
From April 16, 2004 (after reading the Bible)
As I started reading I realized that what I was reading had nothing to say about what was on my heart. It had nothing to say about what I was praying about. I was immediately disappointed and frustrated. Then I realized that I was using the Bible as my own personal fortune cookie. I have a long habit of opening Scripture and wanting it to comment on my current emotional/physical/mental/spiritual situation. This rarely happens. If it does happen it is often probably because I construed it to happen.
The Bible has immensely important things to say about my life; however, God is not a fortune teller and the Holy Spirit is not an Asian delivery man. Maybe I need to eliminate from my life these so called 'quiet times.' I have trouble separating the fortune cookie tendency from the trendy Christian idea of having regular quiet times with God. I feel like what I am writing here is touching on something that has been a hindrance in my life for years. I can study scripture for what it is rather than try to make it into something that it is not--a personal commentary on my life situation.
I have been told that I must not approach Scripture too academically because that may leave my heart cold and unaffected. Well, I feel like my heart is often cold and unaffected. This is because I cannot seem to relate Scripture to my life in the ways that I have been attempting--I often come away disappointed and frustrated with a hidden feeling that it is somehow my fault. Well, it probably was and today, for the first time, I may know why. The Bible is not a fortune cookie.
3 comments:
sometimes i have similar thoughts, but rather than trying to force whatever scripture i happen to turn to to fit my life, i still struggle with the performance demon. like if i've read my bible, i've completed the day's requirement of me and if i feel a lack of connection with God, it can't be my fault. and then i think that i should do what you mentioned - skip the ritual quiet time for something less contrived and more personal. but usually i end up feeling like that's just an excuse to be spiritually lazy. sigh.
I join you in your 'sigh.'
It helps me to remember that there was not a single biblical heroine or hero that had 'quiet times' like we often pressure ourselves to have in order to be spiritual.
Just because we have Scripture available to us in every room of our house, on the internet and on the bus does not mean that we have to feel guilty for not reading it. There are more important things to worry about..like whether or not we are loving our neighbor. The ability to read is not a prerequisite for being in relationship with God or others.
That being said, I suppose that it must also be said that I am not advocating ignorance of the good news that is contained within Scripture. Quit the opposite. There were many things that Paul, Jesus, (David even) and their communities did to maintain knowledge of Scripture. However, I also know people who have these daily quiet times and do just fine.
My life is my "quiet time." I refuse to let having read or not read the Bible make me feel good or bad about myself. When I read the Bible it's usually in the form of The Message because I'm currently more interested in story and interpretation than "literal" translation.
On the flip-side, I do not do what I know I should, or even what I want to do -- that being live in a community of believers who give Jesus to those around them (and who don't attend a church in a building -- because we are an organic church).
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