'Knee-Deep' Relationships

A couple of weeks ago my great friend and brother-in-law-in-law (or whatever you call your sister-in-law's husband) wrote a blog about church called, stirring the pot 1. The blog entry 'stirred the pot' because it mused about a Church centered upon relationships rather than on buildings. Often times church buildings provide the space and structures in which to originate and maintain relational connections for Christians. What if this was not the case?

What if Church was only about relationships and had nothing to do with church buildings? What if a common church building did not exist for a group of Christian friends? (we are musing here) What if the things that are held as sacred along with certain faith practices and structures were determined by the depth of distinct relationships rather than the strength of certain denominations? If this was the case (I muse) then relationships would be dependent (even more so) upon their depth with one another for continued fellowship rather than the place at which they meet.

My brother-in-law-in-law referred to this depth of relationship as being 'knee-deep' in each others lives. This is a phenomena that he has never experienced in his Christian life with two possible exceptions. Only two times in his Christian life has he developed relationships with a group of believers that came close to having a knee-deep depth. I imagine knee-deep relationships as equal to volunteering to wade through quick sand. This would not be the same type of quick sand encounter that you see in Western movies--not the kind where earthy vines or horses' reins are dangling within grasp. It is the kind of quick sand encounter that is life giving--one surrenders life as they know it in a knee-deep relationship. Sadly, I think, most believers that I have met (and I would count myself among them) have rarely encountered this type of relationship with another person--much less with a group of people.

I think part of the struggle in being knee-deep in each other's lives is that we own so much private space and the public space that we share is too often sparsely and infrequently populated with each other's company. Even if I would invite someone to be knee-deep in my own life it would be a difficult task for a normally employed and otherwise occupied person to undertake. I think that any solution would have to involve a lifestyle change around shared spaces, public and private.

I began to ponder life-style changes for the sake of these types of relationships a few years back. Dorm life in college often leant itself to knee-deep relationships whether one liked it or not. Likewise, living with a house-hold of bachelors also leant itself in those directions. However, now that I am married more drastic measures are likely needed to make these relationships possible.

This past weekend my wife and I had some good friends from Chicago stay with us. It was a pleasure that we partake in about once or twice a year--each others company I mean. Admittedly we probably refreshed ourselves as well as wore ourselves out (having only 5 hours of sleep on the last night didn't help). It is easy to wear yourself out with people that you love and seldom see. It is impossible to get enough of them in one extended weekend so we cram as much knowing and being known as we can into that short time frame. I do not regret my tiredness at all. Maybe one of these trips we will pace ourselves, but I secretly hope not.

I mention this because I have only a small handful of friendships that I would voluntarily enter into quick sand. Figuring out ways in which to share public space might be the easiest task. My wife and I would choose our jobs, careers, place to raise our kids, homes and subsequent lifestyle around these relationships. I also, however, would permanently give up my private space to my Chicago friends (along with a few others). Yes, I would live in the same small house and share one small bathroom with them indefinately--although, we would have to learn to pace ourselves relationally. Even so, I muse that this would only create a more conducive setting in which we would be knee-deep in each others lives--the rest is up to us.

In this day--I muse--where individuality has taken its toll on our spiritual faith and practices, we need to begin to contemplate how to live knee-deep in our relationships with others. This will undoubtedly require sacrifice. It may even require the trading in of our freedom to do and own what we want for the freedom that comes from a deeper knowing and being known.